PK 758 is ready for departure passengers are requested to approach the gate number….
I can literally hear that, since morning these words are rambling in my head and as a result I am having a mixed feeling. A feeling which is blend of joy, happiness, excitement, hopefulness, and at the same time it has flavours of panic, stress, sadness, and uncertainty. Perhaps to normal people like me who are just a regular guy next door type people, who have nothing to do with greatness or the path to become one of those “great people” is far, must be having such feelings at such times.
Times like when one chapter of life is ending and new one is going to start, the chapter you are finishing is going to end but you do not know the result of it however, you believe you did well in that. I claim to be just another student of life, so in that course one chapter is ending tomorrow that I started almost four years back. I left Pakistan to earn my MSc degree and in past four years I just not only learned to become an MSs Marketing but also learnt a lot about life, people, places, relationships, friends, losses, gains, greed, selfishness, loyalty, abuse, and list goes on.
Having such a vast experience of above-mentioned traits I acquired some, I let some go, and some I learnt that how they work around and how to refrain from them. Still there is an uncertainty, the uncertainty that is always attached with the future.
In four years not only me but also the place I am from has changed, both of us have grown old but will it accept me like one of its now. The emotional substance in life has come down but rational has gone up. With all the uncertainty, I am having a strong feeling that can be defined as pull. I can feel that something is pulling me and unconsciously I start humming this song.
Being a human, I cannot have only good feelings all the times that is why panic and uncertainty takes over me. The biggest reason perhaps is again the result of the chapter of my life I am about to end. If earning money is the biggest goal of life and the reason, why we move abroad then I have failed miserably. Nevertheless, if the exam marker is ready to grant me some “grace marks” then becoming more responsible, understanding, occasionally humble, considerate, and above all a little less self-obsessed are few things that can vouch for me.
I could not make any money after paying all the university fee, repaying a few debts, buying gifts, and flight booking I am left with almost the same amount of Pound Starlings that I had in my pocket when I landed London Heathrow back in October 2010. This can be “grapes are sour” but I feel I have earned more which I cannot en-cash but it can help me in future so those few pound starlings are enough for me in the name of saving.
My contract with the company I used to work ended back in March and my Visa is running out in two weeks. With no proper job here, I decided to go back to the pavilion and plan for the next innings. According to few, this is the most ridicules decision I am making. From a cabbie, that used to pick me from my KFC store, to few friends every one had one same thing to say, “there is nothing left in Pakistan and I will regret my decision”. And I literally get reactions like this:
When I think about it, I have my own reasons tough I had a family here who took really good care of me I had a place that I can call home. Still I have been away from my family for a long time. Now it is the time when the elder son/brother starts taking the responsibilities. Whatever you can do but you just cannot take and fulfill responsibilities remotely, no maters how much money I send home I do not feel the satisfaction I could feel by serving my parents personally. Moreover, if money is the only reason to stay then the kind of job I had in last few months its better that I should go back and try my hard luck.
Luckily even in this time and with this “ridicules” decision I have some kind people and friends who supported me, bucked me up, and motivated me.
Without having an actual combat with the future, you cannot say how easy or difficult to achieve it was. Therefore to have that combat, to test my nerves and skills, with all the hopes I am coming home with these words in my mind.
If you were reading this then I would just request to wish me luck and whenever possible remember me in your prayers.