“If there is anything that is constant in life it is nothing but change”. This is not just a quote for me that is what I have learnt in my so far not so long life. If I look back in all those years, I see a simple harmonic motion. It has been full of vicissitudes, but interestingly if there was a down it was as if it cannot be worst than this, than again there used to be the rise. If I only take the example of my studies it says all, I got first position consistently and then next year out of top five, somehow regained my position in top two in coming years.
After reaching in class 9 I changed my school, I was active and very busy in co curricular activates that is why I was a declared failure in curricular ones. In addition, my principle use to call me “Rai sab wohi chaal be dhangi” (Rai you are in wrong direction) and always put me in the list of average pupils. Well even with this be dhangi chal I proved to be the dark hours as I stood first in the class, by the way I flunked in two subjects in mid terms that year.
The hardest part of my life was the year (academic year) 2004-05, I have always managed to get some good marks and position in the finals (never bothered the mid terms, December tests, blah Blah Blah) but that year I scored lesser marks than anyone expected in my first year finals. This time things changed for me, I was declared failure but this time by my family. I took the responsibility of all the things and coined a slogan for me “I will do what I want and gain what I want to gain”. I used to motivate myself with that line, designed a game plan applied it, checked different ways of reaching the target and was dead sure that I will be getting enough marks that will cover the previous year’s curse. I ended up with the topers of my college, I felt proud to see my name on a huge banner at the busiest road of Lahore.
During my B-Com Honours at Punjab University my journey remained the same there was a time when my CGPA was somewhere near 2.7/4.0, till my last semester I never scored a single 4 in any subject. In the end managed to gain CGPA of around 3.20/4.0 and scored 4.0/4.0 in two subjects in my last semester surprisingly one of them was in international business finance (my hostel friends know that how much I am bad in finance and my mother knows that my scoring 80%+ in maths was a miracle of 2003).
I know this has been a long post with, for many, a useless story. But it is not, as I said that change is the only constant thing in life my whole academic career is example of that. I have raised from the ashes many times, every time I was down I stood up again and reached the target (I guess that’s the effect of my name AZLAN on my personality), because things always change.
To be failed is not a sin but to accept as fate it is surely a sin, I always tried to stay away from this sin. However, a few months back I fall prey of this sin.
I failed in two subjects in my first semester finals of MSC Marketing. For the first time I faced failure in finals. That was shattering enough for me and more on that I was some 7000 km away from my home and specially Maa G (my grandmother) who has always been a safe house for me. I learnt one thing that day, “you are not the only reason for your success, and there are many people around who play positive and negative part in your journey”. And I was away from that positive energy.
Down and disappointed, I guess my friend and my virtual elder sister (tough we always fight on twitter) Sara Khalili can tell that how much depressed I was. She was the first one who motivated me that day as i needed someone at that time to make m recall what actually AZLAN is, and for that i am highly thankful to Sara Api/Aunty :D.
At that time I knew that I have to clear that all I was over changed with the emotions to take revenge from the exams and there was possibility that I could go for some stupid step and at that time I got direction. Muneel (Bhai), who I openly declare as my mentor, congratulated me on flunking in two in the reply of email that I sent to him. I took it as sarcastic remarks and then on phone call he said, “Dear you are lucky as you got fail because now you will never fail again”. It was deep enough for me and he guided me to make a game plan for the final I was supposed to play in May.
I must thank social media especially twitter who gave me the chance to meet many golden people, Muhammad Ali Yaqoob is one of them. He was the other person who asked me to stay calm on that black Thursday of my life and next day when I met him in oxford, he gave me a lecture that motivated me. The thing I picked from that lecture was, “don’t look at the success only of a person, also see the struggle and failures that person faced in his journey to success”.
On the same day (no wonder I find Friday a lucky day for me) I met Jabran Rafeeq and he said, “don’t worry I have flunked as well so don’t consider yourself alone”. Anyhow, failing in exam was a great lesson that shattered my arrogance and broke my confidence, passing the exams was not only just passing the papers for me. It became a reason for me to regain my confidence in me and my pride.
Today by the grace of Almighty Allah, who always give me the sweetness of success after hard times, I have cleared my all the modules of MSC, including the two I flunked in, now the only thing left is the Dissertation to be submitted in December.
The prize of not being a victim of ultimate disappointment is that I scored distinction in one subject (Business Information for Marketing) and for that distinction I not only want to say thanks but I also want to dedicate it to three people who helped me to make it possible;
1. Farhan Masood: Because I prepared my assignment on his product, (SmartXs) and he provided me all the required information.
2. Asma Tariq: my best friend from my PU days, she helped me at the time when I stuck badly at one point of my assignment.
3. Sundus Kazmi (sorry if I am misspelling): she helped me in financial analysis part, as she checked if I was using the right formulas or not.
As I said that success need your hard work and motivation not only from your own self but also from the people around you who play a positive role in your journey, I feel myself lucky as I had so many people around me who helped me in my hard times. Thank you all.